Chapter 13: Focus
People say that you need to love yourself first before loving others. You need to learn to focus on yourself first. You need to be able to treat yourself right first – you need to prioritize yourself. My mind is really messed up and very confused from everything that is happening. Yes, I will admit, I was in love… with you… but I know that you do not feel the same.However, I kept going and listened to my heart, even though I know for a fact that you will never love back. I know that I would never have a chance with you. Now here I am, confused and depressed. To the point where I do not know what to do. To the point that I could not even eat anymore. To the point where I could not stop thinking about it and it haunts me every single night. I just want to end this pain I am feeling. My mind is really messed up because I listened my heart over it. No – stop! I cannot do this anymore. It really hurts. Please stop it! Please!…
Chapter 14: …
Wha— What— What happened? Where am I? Why do I feel weak? What is this? Who are you? I woke up to this very strange place, a place where I felt care and warmth. It warmed my body and my heart. I was lying down, so I carefully stood up and started to walk – I wanted to leave this place.
A girl. A girl whose beauty is extraordinary hands me a cup of coffee. Carrying that cup, I went back to lay my head back down and I suddenly felt that I wanted to be taken care of. “How are you feeling now?” she asked.I respond, “I’m ok, thank you”. Turns out, you were one of the baristas at the shop and I had actually passed out. That is probably one of the most embarrassing moments I’ve had. As soon as the coffee pours down my mouth, I felt the warmth, a different warmth which affected my whole body, especially my heart. My heart began to palpitate really fast. I do not want it to stop. No! I do not want to fall again anymore. No! I do not want to love anymore. No! No! No!
Chapter 15: No Idea
I am scared. I am scared of two things – the fear of being in love and the fear of being hurt. I do not know what is wrong with myself, I just easily fall in love with someone without me even knowing about it. I do not know anymore. I want to be in love, but I do not want to get hurt. No! Nevermind. I do not want to be in love, I never get that love back anyways. I really need to fix myself. My mind is so confused. I do not know what to do. I have no idea. Should I be in love? Should I risk it? Should I focus on myself first? Should I not be scared? Am I ready to be in love again? Am I ready to be hurt? Should I? Am I? I have no idea.